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  • 31 Days of Horror – Day Twenty-three – Tourist Trap (1979)

    Today we talk about a film with all the mixed-genre trappings of horror, the 1979 film Tourist Trap!

    Tourist Trap! 

    Movie Details:

    • Release Date: 1979
    • “Run”time: 1 hour and 30 minutes
    • Where to watch it: Streaming
    • Directed by: David Schmoeller
    • Written by: David Schmoeller & J. Larry Carroll
    • Starring:
      • Chuck Connors
      • Jocelyn Jones
      • Jon Van Ness
      • Tanya Roberts

    Synopsis: A few friends get stuck in a small town and are hunted down by a supernatural slasher type person thing

    Open Stab Wounds (out of 10): 6

    Review: You got to love early slasher films. A lot can be said about the beginnings of this genre and just how far it’s come. 

    This brings us to the 1979 horror classic, Tourist Trap. I mean, I think it’s a classic. It’s a movie saw at Blockbuster on the shelf, or heard people talk about. I’d always mentally categorized this along with films like Motel Hell… 

    To get the summary out of the way quick: 5 friends break down in a little town and find themselves trapped… like tourists in a trap. Here’s where a seemingly supernatural killer haunts the place. If this sounds like the familiar trappings of a slasher film, you’d be right. You can even see some of its influence on later films, for example, the Paris Hilton blockbuster House of Wax. 

    As a heads up: this review is going to be a little everywhere. Part of that is because the movie is a little everywhere. There are times when the movie seems like a very straightforward slasher flick. Other times, it feels like it’s meant to have little spurts of intentional absurdity. Other times, there’s a supernatural aspect that drives certain scenes. The movie picks and chooses these at disjointed times. Not that this is entirely a bad thing, it’s a 70’s horror film. 

    If you come into this film understanding that, expecting the low-quality shots, overacted deaths, and grandiose and melodramatic music, then you’re really going to appreciate the experience. I started watching the film and stopped it after a little bit. When I came back, it was with a renewed sense of enthusiasm for what to expect. 

    The moral: a little expectation management goes a long way. 

    To talk about the killer, there’s not much of a spoiler. Chuck Connors plays a variety of different types of personas. It’s not a multiple personality; he can shift from sinister to low-key passive aggressive to goofy and beyond. The music compliments these shifts between moods decently, adding in discordant notes to otherwise serene bits of dialogue. 

    Speaking of the music, I mentioned it previously, but I really like the way it’s used. Although the death scenes go on five times longer than they should (the introductory kill is obnoxiously so), the music does its job with ratcheting up the tension. This makes the absence of music even more noticeable. 

    Final thought I’ll add is that final shot is a great way to end the movie. The final girl living somewhat happily ever after is heartwarming, to be sure.

    Look, this movie is a part of horror history. If you’re not fond of low-budget slashers, this won’t change your mind at all. But for the 70’s absurdity in there, I had a good time.  

    KEVIN’S THOUGHTS:

    There are just some 70’s horror flicks that make you go “Wow! They were on some crazy drugs!” This was definitely one of those. It felt like I was watching a bizarre, live action, extended episode of Scooby-Doo. The acting was so over the top, the music was dramatic as can be, and each death scene was probably three times longer than necessary. One part slasher, one part supernatural, and all parts 70’s. Films like this really make me appreciate how far the craft has come.

    7 out of 10


    Thanks for reading and watching along with us! Be sure to keep up with all 31 days of our Halloween Horror Film coverage! 

    Oh, and make sure to follow Brandon on Twitter @BarnyardCruz and Kevin @Solucid!  

  • 31 Days of Horror – Day Twenty-two – Psycho Goreman (2020)

    A couple siblings dig up a galaxy destroying evil… luckily, Psycho Goreman is under their control.

    Psycho Goreman! 

    Movie Details:

    • Release Date: 2020
    • “Run”time: 1 hour 35 minutes
    • Where to watch it: Streaming
    • Directed by:  Steven Kostanski
    • Written by:  Steven Kostanski
    • Starring:
      • Nita-Josée Hanna
      • Owen Myre
      • Matthew Ninaber

    Synopsis: A couple siblings dig up a galaxy destroying evil… luckily, he’s under their control.

    Open Stab Wounds (out of 10): 7

    Review: Troma films have always been allowed to live in my head rent free. They’re campy, loaded with various fluids, have a mixture of ridiculous and awesome creature effects, and they are just loads of fun. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Lloyd Kaufman a couple times and he is an absolute blast. He exudes pure joy for having been able to bring these raunchy, absurd, and disgusting ideas to life on some of the lowest movie budgets ever. 

    For almost 50 years now, Troma has been building a cult following and spreading its influence. You can see it in some of the over the top films that have come out of Japan, such as The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police. Peter Jackson’s (yeah, the Lord of the Rings guy) early work definitely felt influenced by it. Today’s film definitely feels like it was created by a Troma fan. Let’s talk about Psycho Goreman.

    The film opens on siblings Mimi (Nita-Josée Hanna) and Luke (Owen Myre), a couple of rambunctious kids in the middle of a game of “Crazy Ball.” Luke loses and because of this he has to dig for treasure in their backyard. Surprisingly they find an alien looking coffin of some sort, which has a glowing gem embedded in it. Pulling the gem awakened the being within, but luckily for the kids, the gem gives them power over it.

    I’m going to stop with my plot synopsis there. I feel this is the type of film best gone into with as little knowledge as possible. Not because it will ruin a twist or give insight to subtle mysteries, but because I think the absurdity is best experienced without any prior info. If you’re a Troma fan, just go watch it and enjoy!

    There is loads of gore, the type of humor that is best experienced with friends, and a complete lack of lessons learned. The costumes are fantastic and the practical effects will make you giggle plenty. The story is as simple as a Power Rangers episode and a few times I felt like I was watching an extended adult version of one. It was simply silly and fun.

    This is definitely the type of movie that is not for everybody. So is it for you? If you’re a fan of campy classics like The Toxic Avenger, Dead Alive, or Frankenhooker, then this is one you will probably enjoy. If you only like serious films then you probably don’t even want to watch the trailer for this.

    I loved it! It’s good to see that the absurd torch will be carried on.

    Hunky Boys only!


    Thanks for reading and watching along with us! Be sure to keep up with all 31 days of our Halloween Horror Film coverage! 

    Oh, and make sure to follow Brandon on Twitter @BarnyardCruz and Kevin @Solucid!  

  • 31 Days of Horror – Day Twenty-one – Spring (2014)

    Spring has finally sprung for this film from 2014, about young (and old) love!

    Spring! 

    Movie Details:

    • Release Date: 2014
    • “Run”time: 1 hour 49 minutes
    • Where to watch it: Streaming
    • Directed by: Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead
    • Written by: Justin Benson
    • Starring:
      • Lou Taylor Pucci
      • Nadia Hiker

    Synopsis: A man going through crisis makes his way to Italy and finds the love of his life

    Open Stab Wounds (out of 10): 9

    Review: Kevin and I had a discussion a few days ago. He was worried that he overpopulated the list for this month with everything he was interested in watching. He worried that I didn’t help out enough. The reality is that I probably would’ve populated the list with a whole lotta films that I’d seen before. It would’ve been a greatest hits of movies I always watch, so all the writing would’ve been very easy. 

    All that’s to say, even with a few clunkers in the mix this month, I am wholeheartedly glad that Kevin was selfish with the picks. It brought us His House of course… and it brought us today’s film.

    From the start of Spring, I appreciated the main character Evan (Lou Taylor Pucci). The film starts with him watching his mother pass away. He starts down a path that leads him to Italy where he meets a beautiful woman that he starts a relationship with. This woman, Louise (Nadia Hiker), has a secret that she’s not wholly willing to reveal… until feelings get in the way. 

    It’s at this point, I want to apologize. I did not finish this movie yet. For a few different reasons, I was unable to finish it, and today is my day! I made it about halfway through, with a bunch of various distractions… but with all those distractions I was still somehow focused and interested in the story being told. I think that’s a credit to the first 15-20 minutes where I absolutely cared about the fate of Evan. He’s a good guy, he’s a normal guy who’s going through some shit. I want to see him succeed; I want to see where his story ends up. 

    To be clear, I know what happens to him, I wikiapedia’d the ending. But I am going to finish this movie, because it was *that* effective in the first half.

    What’s great about this movie is it’s a love story that does the horror and the love portions right. The relationship between Evan and Louise feels natural in the way it starts small and blossoms into something else entirely. It’s a bit of a metaphor on the story itself. 

    Again, I want to apologize… because this is a great movie. Kevin has thoughts too and I think he’ll top it off. I recommend it; the fact that I’m anxious to finish it means that it did something right. 

    KEVIN’S THOUGHTS: I’ve watched a couple films from Benson and Moorehead and I’ve loved each one.This one is probably my favorite so far. A mixture of science, mythology, monsters, and love. The story was one of beauty and pain and horror, while there was only an accompaniment and not the main component. I’m fast becoming a huge fan of this writer director team and I cannot wait to see where they go in the future.

    I GIVE IT DAMN NEAR 10!


    Thanks for reading and watching along with us! Be sure to keep up with all 31 days of our Halloween Horror Film coverage! 

    Oh, and make sure to follow Brandon on Twitter @BarnyardCruz and Kevin @Solucid!  

  • 31 Days of Horror – Day Twenty – VHS/99 (2022)

    The days of VHS are back again, this time for the year 1999! Just when you thought it was safe to get your VCR out…

    Today we’re covering… 

    V/H/S/99! 

    Movie Details:

    • Release Date: 2022
    • “Run”time: 1 hour 49 minutes
    • Where to watch it: Streaming
    • Directed by: Various
    • Written by: Various
    • Starring:
      • Various

    Synopsis: A collection of found footage V/H/S videos from the Y2K era. Teens meet ghosts, goblins, and maybe an mythological creature or two.

    Open Stab Wounds (out of 10): 4

    Review: Like Brandon, I’m a huge fan of anthology horror. I’m also a fan of well done found footage. I say well done, because I think the ratio of well done to crap is weighted heavily on the crap side. I’ve watched all of the V/H/S films so far and there have certainly been some good ones. So the question today is, how does the fifth movie in the V/H/S franchise hold up? Today we watched V/H/S/99.

    Like the previous movies, this is a compilation of multiple short films, from multiple directors, all shot to look almost like home movies. You can clearly see different editing styles within each separate installation. I’d say you see different cinematography styles, but they all have that handheld shaky-cam feeling to them. Just about every single one of them was sure to have a timestamp to make sure you know the year is 1999.

    The first story was called Shredding and followed a group of punk teens who seem to have their own CKY style video group called R.A.C.K. (I’m pretty sure I saw a couple CKY clips in the editing). Together, they all play together in a punk band and decide to go to a shutdown venue where three years earlier a band called Bitch Cat played their final “living” show. There are rumors of the place being haunted and the group ends up finding the truth behind the rumors.

    Next up was Suicide Bid, a story of a college freshman who is only pledging to one sorority, also known as a suicide bid. The sisters of the sorority bring her in to prove herself, while telling her the story of Giltine, a pledge who died in a coffin years earlier. The pledge needs to stay in a coffin overnight and is told not to answer if she hears Giltine knocking, or else she will be dragged to the underworld just like she was. Things go wrong and in the end all the girls pay a price.

    Following that up is Ozzy’s Dungeon, a story centered around a kids game show similar to Legends of the Hidden Temple, just with a lot less morals. Kids are set up to do some rather violent and degrading challenges in an attempt to win a chance to see Ozzy and make a wish. One of the final contestants ends up getting her leg badly broken, to the point it is just hanging there. It seems to jump to years later when the family of the injured child has kidnapped the host and is now forcing him to go through a vicious version of the games from the show. He convinces the family that he can bring them to Ozzy so a wish can be made. What follows is confusing chaos and a bit of Lovecraftian feeling insanity.

    The Gawkers comes up next and is connected to the bumpers that happened in between the stories. This short tells the story of some perverted teens who like to try and sneak shots of any hot girls they can. They end up focusing on a blonde across the street from one of the boys and come up with a plan to hack her webcam. Just as the plan is working, they realize she is more than just a hot blonde.

    Finally, we have To Hell and Back, which tells the story of a witch coven summoning a demon on new years eve. Two men are there to make a documentary covering the summoning. When the ritual starts something goes wrong and they both find themselves in hell. They know time is limited before the ritual is over and they have to get to the demon in order to hitch a ride back to the mortal plane. Their friendship is tested and they fight their way back only to be met with something they did not expect.

    The first thing I’m going to say about all these stories is that they all felt unfinished. I understand that with found footage there is often a lack of closure, but all of these felt like the conclusions were just a writer going “yeah, I guess that’s good enough.” The most satisfying one for me was Ozzy’s Dungeon, but it also had the most convoluted writing. The whole film just felt like a bunch of first drafts and nobody there to do rewrites.

    The practical effects throughout were all really well done. Blood and guts were flying all over the place, zombies and monsters looked really creepy, and that broken leg was squirm worthy. There were some visual effects as while some were decently done other parts were very noticeable, especially in  The Gawkers. Sound quality was sort of all over the place, but that’s to be expected when there is so much screaming with handheld cameras.

    Some of the V/H/S movies have been good and some have been mediocre. This one falls in the later category for me. The writing felt lazy and incomplete, I didn’t get any real satisfaction from any of the stories, and there was no overarching narrative like the previous films. A good premise for a story and some great practical effects are not enough to make a film like this great. If I had this on VHS, I’d record over it.

    BRANDON’S THOUGHTS:

    VHS is counted as a series that I want to like. It’s in my wheelhouse. Everything is anthology. For me, VHS is a series that gets more wrong than it ever gets right. I *WANT* to love the movies… but every segment is 70% longer than it needs to be to be an effectively succinct, economical piece of horror storytelling. VHS 99 has decent ideas in here. I liked the sorority one the best. It’s a tale of comeuppance, and I’m down with that. Every other story ends with certain characters getting a fate that they didn’t deserve; it felt mean-spirited.

    I’m going to match Kevin’s rating here because it started all right and left me thinking by the end, “ok, yeah, I’m done now”

    Open Stab Wounds (out of 10): 4


    Thanks for reading and watching along with us! Be sure to keep up with all 31 days of our Halloween Horror Film coverage! 

    Oh, and make sure to follow Brandon on Twitter @BarnyardCruz and Kevin @Solucid!  

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